LORD, you are the God who saves me;
day and night I cry out to you…(Psalm 88:1).
I’ve had moments of crying out in my heart to God of deep pain and overwhelming need. There were seasons, I can recall when it felt as though my heart was being ripped open as I begged the Lord for mercy and help.
Sometimes, because I felt so weak, and so exposed before the Lord, I felt like a failure to Him. I carried deep shame in my heart as I cried out to Him because I was convinced that if I had done better my life wouldn’t have turned out this way. Even though I was crying out to God for mercy, I was beating myself up at the same time for the circumstances that had come into my life.
I remember at one point the reality of my pain became so devastating that I asked the Lord to take me from this earth. I didn’t want to deal with the shame, pain, and feelings of failure any longer. I wanted to sit safely in my Father’s arms away from such despair. I wanted freedom and release from that which was mounted up against me.
Yet, I learned something deeply valuable as I came out of that season. I learned that I didn’t have to stay there. If I could be quite honest, shame kept me there much longer. Shame whispered doubt, despair, and discouragement, trying to convince me that redemption wasn’t the way out, but that fleeing my circumstances was. But you see, there’s something about persevering through the pain that changes us. Pain has a way of reshaping us where shame has a way of capturing us and holding us in bondage. It keeps our heads spinning in unbelief and doubt. It causes as to flap about in the sea when God has thrown a lifeline of grace to our souls.
Don’t carry shame with you over your circumstances in life. We all face trying times. We’re not perfect people. We don’t have it all together. The longer we believe that’s what God and His church expect of us, the longer will keep drowning in despair and shame. Let your heart be set free today to know that God has grace, freedom, and redemption for you to walk forward in during your time of need.
Lord, thank you that you see me and you love me. Thank you that I am not defined by my past, nor my present woes. Truly, all things work together for us for our good, to make us more like Jesus. Forgive us, Lord, when we give in to despair and shame. Help us instead to embrace our freedom that is in Christ, in Jesus name, Amen.