I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar… (1 John 2:4).
Sometimes, obeying, submitting to and following God is hard, because this little voice tries to convince me that I can’t trust Him. I’ve noticed this happens in my relationship with others fairly easily too. Especially my husband.
As we are learning this beautiful partnership of submission in marriage, the Lord is taking me to some difficult and hard places; some wounds from the past where I was deeply hurt. Now He’s asking me to trust my husband and let go of what happened in the past.
It’s easy to hold the past over people’s heads and believe that they’ll always be the same way. I find myself dealing with these thoughts, “Your husband’s kindness and patience are fake. He’s just acting this way towards you so he can get what he wants.” Then, I’m flooded with all the memories of the pain from the past.
Last night as we were sitting on the couch talking through an issue that we’re trying to navigate together I said to my husband, “Rodrigo, I am so sorry and this is not on you, this is me, but I just am struggling to say that I trust you. I know I’ve put a lot on you tonight and quite honestly, its because I’m fearful to let go of control. I’m afraid that you won’t lead me with gentleness and that you’ll run ahead without me because you’ve done that before.”
I asked my husband to forgive me for my lack of trust and for allowing the past to become our present. Then, I kindly asked him to give me the grace to heal from the wounds of the past as they surfaced themselves through a now present-day situation that was similar to one we faced years ago. I expressed to him the deep hurt I had experienced through that experience. Then, he kindly and humbly asked for my forgiveness.
Trusting others is hard, isn’t it? It challenges us to let go of the wounds of our past and not treat people with contempt or try to control the situation out of fear that we might get hurt again. That was me last night, a woman, not willing to really trust her husband, because she was deeply afraid that if she did, she’d get walked all over and taken advantage of.
This beautiful dance, this partnership between husband and wife requires humility, honor, and trust. Without it, the dance dies and someone reaches for control. But when the dance is flowing, both persons are valuing the other above themself.
I have learned that submission is not me giving away all of my rights, wants, needs and desires to simply become a “yes” woman. Submission is me, entrusting myself to someone who loves, honors and cherishes me. Someone who patiently waits for me to join him on the dance floor and doesn’t take a step without me. That my friends is leadership. It doesn’t have anything to do with control, but it does have everything to do with trust. It would be wrong of me to wait in joining my husband on the dance floor because I’m trying to stay in control. It would also be wrong of him to grab for my hand forcing me onto the dance floor when I am not ready.
You see, a husband leads not with a rod or first of anger or a controlling spirit, but with a gentle hand of strength, that awaits his bride to join him as they dance together in the strength and wisdom of God.
Lord, I want to do what you say. I want to walk in your wisdom. Help me, as a wife to honor my husband and to trust him as I learn to let go of my pain. Father, help us to dance together, not apart. Please forgive me when I reach for control instead of trust. Grow me, I pray, in Jesus name, Amen.